Let's talk about lurve

Most of the people I know have someone. By someone, I mean: a significant other, a person he/she is seeing, or a crush. But I don't have that person in my life, maybe I could have; but it just didn't end up that way. I feel like I'm missing out on something, or I feel as if I'm the odd one out because you would think that by now, I would have someone in my life.

Honestly, it's beyond me as to how two people like, or even love, each other at the same time. Out of billions of people in the world, those people found each other. Perhaps it's because I don't fall in like often, and I fall flat on my face whenever I do. I feel too much, or too little. Some people seem to fall for people easily, or they're more open to giving someone a chance because they relate in some way or another. Maybe I'm placing too much of a premium on feelings. I don't really remember what it's like to be in a relationship. My mom and I went on a tour in Beijing last summer, and this lady told me to date as many guys as possible until I find 'the one', regardless if I liked any of the guys or not LOL. I don't think I could do that (it's not like a lot of guys want to date me anyways LOL), time is precious and I wouldn't want to waste a someone's time like that when I can probably guarantee that I won't like them that way.

A lot of my friends say I have high standards, but I don't think so. I can't deny being shallow, because everyone is shallow to a certain extent. Looks do matter to a certain degree, but people have different preferences, and besides physical attraction can be overlooked if you have an attractive personality. Anyways, I think my standards are pretty cookie-cutter (intelligent, funny, decent to good looking, etc.). I could forgo the petty stuff if I really liked a guy. Above all, I look for a connection, like you know, your significant other should be like your best friend. I'm a really insecure/distant person. I think I'd be doing a guy a favor by turning him down, so that he would not be subjected to the torture which is known as my insecurities LOL. It is a bad idea for me to be in a relationship, since I might end up depending on the person to validate my self-worth. Like they say, you have to learn to love yourself before you can love somebody else.

A part of me just wants to dress-up for dates, and have someone to do the cute, wishy-washy things that couples do. But the other part of me wants to avoid feeling anything for anyone, because chances are, I will get hurt and it will be disastrous OTL. I don't know, sometimes I think love isn't meant for me, just like how some things aren't meant to be... oh look, that rhymed. I guess I'm just one of those difficult people. Upside is that I'll love you unconditionally? LOL. It kind of scares me to think that I might not find my other/better half or even have one LOL, because some people just don't end up with someone. I'm still young, BUT STILL LOL @ u@;

I'll make a post on these clay masks that I found tomorrow or something, because they are magical omg.

My current favourite song ^^. She reminds me of IU.